Autism: Sibling Experiences in Families

My brother is 5 years older than me but he’s the more pampered one. Everything revolves around him, all plans are made to suit his needs and convenience. I have to put forth my demands repeatedly while his unspoken needs are immediately met with. I ask for attention while he gets everyone’s affection unasked. His small achievements are celebrated whereas my laurels are taken for granted. Everyone loves him more, especially my mother and I am often jealous of that.

Beyond Words: A Journey of Acceptance and Love with My Extraordinary Brother

I am expected to babysit my elder brother. I am younger and more deserving of all the love and attention, I always thought so why does he get the special treatment?! He barely speaks, needs help with all daily activities, makes weird gestures, is difficult to handle sometimes, shouts or laughs loudly for no reason…… still he’s more loved. Why?

Growing up with him is very different. We rarely play the same games but we share books, toys and even some clothes. We never fight because he never gives me a reason to. He always agrees to my choices whether it is watching TV or reading story books. He lets me take the lead while dancing or swinging in the park. He rubs his face next to mine lovingly when he wants to appreciate me. He diverts my mother’s attention when she’s about to scold me for some reason. He waits for me to sit in the car first. He gives me company when no one’s around to make me feel safe. He takes me by my hand while walking down the stairs. He doesn’t eat or play when I am sick. And that’s how in his own silent ways, he makes ME feel special. 

Must Read: An Autism Journey

He never complains nor fights…. always full of love. I create ruckus in the house to have my wishes fulfilled but he accepts everything quietly yet wholeheartedly. He struggles for the tiniest of milestones with a smile while I compete in the big world anxiously. He waits patiently for his needs to be met as I rush for everything restlessly. He obeys dutifully while I am a rebel sometimes. His occasional outbursts are a sign of frustration while my anger stems from obstinacy. He is happy in his own company while I strive to blend into my peers. He faces life’s challenges head-on whereas I look for support cowardly. He loves all equally while I judge people biasedly.

I was wrong. He is indeed special….special in his own beautiful ways. I was naïve to not see the gentle soul behind his aggressive physicalities. No hatred, no jealousy…..he only knows how to love selflessly, in his own extraordinary ways. And even without saying a word, he has taught me some valuable life lessons…. to be compassionate, loving, forgiving, kind, helpful, patient, courageous and most importantly, acceptance. Accept and love all individuals irrespective of their differences because every human is special in his own different ways.

Must Read: Autism Self-test tool

He is rightfully the centre of our universe and my most precious gift from God. Our non verbal bond is stronger than words could ever communicate. And I can proudly say that my brother is my greatest teacher who guides me silently every moment of the day.